and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
