when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
