In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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