Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
