well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
