i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
