apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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