you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
