I feel great
I just peed on a car
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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