I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
