My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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