So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
