im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
