so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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