the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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