the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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