OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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