Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize