you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
