I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize