Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
