its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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