she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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