I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
