I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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