I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
