brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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