Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
