He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
