I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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