So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
