Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
