I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
