I cockslap morals
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
