So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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