Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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