TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
