so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
