I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
