So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
