There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
