i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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