I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
