i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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