I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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