My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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