it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
