need another drink. this is the easiest way
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
