I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
