I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
