Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
