I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize