I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize