Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
