Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
