I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
