Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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