Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize