He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
