Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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