You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
